Justin's Garden

19th November 2005

As the years go by I remember you and the day you were born like it was only yesterday. I remember what it was like carrying you inside my womb for those nine months and the hopes and wishes I had for you.

I remember the first stirrings of life and wondering would you be OK. I remember looking at the scan of you and not being able to figure out which end was which.

I remember the first contraction at 7am on Sunday the 19th November 1978. I hated the thought of going to the hospital and somehow wished you did not have to leave the warmth of the womb but of course you had to be born.

I remember going to the hospital and feeling very alone amongst the strangers there. The poking and prodding at times when neither of us wanted to be poked and prodded. We just wanted to be allowed to get on with what had to be done.

I remember the trainee midwife who sat with me and how I promised that I would have a normal delivery so that she could take her final exams. She brought cold water for me to sip and cold cloths for my fevered brow.

I remember the slap from a nurse who wanted me to tell her my name so that they would know if I was too heavily drugged or not.

I remember feeling the urge to push just as the trainee midwife was gone to get a cold cloth and drink for me to sip. I though of my promise to her and did all I could to hold off pushing so that she would be there to see you come into the world. But you were eager to begin your life and would not wait.

I remember the feeling of your head resting on my left thigh and the vibration of your cry. You did not wait to be fully born before you let your voice be heard. The warmth of your little head was comforting to me as I knew the pain was almost over.

I asked for someone to call the trainee midwife so she could witness the rest of the process and she came running to us. I felt you slip from me into the world.

You were 8lbs 8oz's in weight and had a thick head of black hair. You had downy hair across your shoulders, down the line of your spine and on your legs. You were pink and beautiful.

These memories will always be with me Justin and although I feel sad today because you are no longer around in your human form I know you are with me all the time in spirit. Now I carry you in my heart like I carried you in my womb.

Happy Spirit birthday Justin.

From Mam
19.11.05

19th November 200